What to ask instead of "how was your day?"

What to ask instead of "how was your day?" If you're asking an autistic child about their day, the goal is often to make questions specific, concrete and observable rather than broad. Many autistic children struggle with questions like "How was your day?" because there are too many possible answers.

In fact, for many autistic children (and children with ADHD, anxiety, language difficulties, demand avoidance, processing differences, or simply mental fatigue after school), "I don't know" often doesn't mean they don't know.

It can mean:

"That question is too broad."

"I don't know where to start."

"I can't remember on demand."

"I'm tired."

"I need more processing time."

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

"I don't know what answer you're looking for."

"Too many things happened today."

"It feels like a test."

For example:

"How was school?" often gets:

"Good."

"Fine."

"I don't know."

Because the child has to sort through 6+ hours of experiences and figure out what you're asking about.

Whereas:

"Who did you sit with at lunch?" or "What was the funniest thing that happened today?" gives the brain a much smaller search area.

Another strategy I love is offering choices instead of open-ended questions:

Was today mostly fun, boring, tricky, or tiring?

Was recess good or annoying?

Did you spend more time with friends or by yourself?

Did anything make you proud today?

You can also make it observational:

"You seem pretty tired today. Was it a busy day or just a normal day?"

Often the child will correct you:

"No, it wasn't busy. We had a substitute teacher."

Suddenly you have information.

For children who frequently answer "I don't know," I often tell parents:

Stop asking for a report of the day. Ask about one moment.

Some useful alternatives:

Social

* Who did you spend time with today?

* Did you play with anyone at recess or lunch?

* Did anyone make you laugh today?

* Did anyone annoy you today?

* Was there anyone you wanted to play with but didn't?

Learning

* What was the easiest thing you did today?

* What was the hardest thing you did today?

* Did you learn anything new?

* What subject did you enjoy most?

* Was there anything confusing today?

Emotional

* What was the best part of your day?

* What was the worst part of your day?

* Was there a moment you felt happy?

* Was there a moment you felt worried, frustrated or embarrassed?

* If today had a weather forecast, would it be sunny, cloudy, rainy or stormy?

Sensory

* Was anything too loud today?

* Was anything too busy or crowded?

* Did anything bother your body today (clothes, noise, smells, lights)?

* Did you need a quiet break at all?

* Was there anything that helped you feel calm?

Executive Function / School Participation

* Did you remember everything you needed today?

* Did you need help from a teacher?

* Did anything unexpected happen?

* Was there a change to the routine?

* How did you go when plans changed?

Friendships (particularly useful for autistic girls)

* Who did you sit with today?

* Did you feel included today?

* Did you have to pretend to like something to fit in?

* Did you feel like yourself today?

* Was there any friendship drama?

Regulation Check-In

Rate each from 1-10:

* Energy level?

* Stress level?

* Fun level?

* Tiredness level?

My favourite OT question:

Instead of:

"How was school?"

Ask:

"Tell me three things:

Something good

Something tricky

Something funny"